Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Predictions for the New Year

I was in NP's lifestyle library (again) just now, and decided to see what's in the latest issue of New Scientist. I cursed under my breath as I approached the shelf, for someone had already taken it. Must be one of my blog readers. Or blogders, as Xiaxue terms it. I made a mental note never to mention the magazines I actually read on this blog ever again, so my readers won't deprive me of my enjoyment.

Still slightly surly, I went over to another shelf to grab a copy of Teenage Magazine *cough*.

I had actually skimmed through the issue before, but I wanted to read the article entitled Life, Reinvented a little more carefully, as the stuff wasn't easy - DNA, synthetic biology, etc.

I had great difficulty concentrating.

No, it wasn't because of that Ah Lian in a microskirt sitting nearby who kept flicking her blonde hair over her shoulder.

The library was playing Chinesy Chinese music. Best of all, some of the tracks got stuck and thus kept repeating, like a Fatboy Slim arrangement gone wrong.

So Chinese New Year is coming.

* * *

Today marks the last day of the goat year, and tomorrow ushers in the new Year of the Cock.

My friend, you have been reading my blog faithfully, and I think I owe you the truth. The painful truth.

You know how it is during the Chinese New Year season - everyone wishes everyone else a year of prosperity, good fortune, success, wealth, blah, blah, blah, but how often has any those wishes come true for you? And if it has, did it come every year?

My dear friend, they've been lying to you.

This is why, whenever someone wishes me a "gong xi fa cai", I am tempted to show them the symbol of the cock with my finger. Somehow this CNY seems particularly appropriate for that...

* * *

Predictions for the New Cock Year

The truth hurts, and because of that, many of us don't really want the truth - we're far happier listening and believing lies.


"Darling, does this dress make my butt look big?"

"My dear, this dress, that dress, or no dress, your butt is big."

You get the idea.

If you can't handle the truth, go to another site. (Maybe not, since I'm still hoping for hatemail.) There must be a gazillion other cock-year-prediction sites which will tickle your ears and make you happy. But I, the Calm One, will tell you the truth.

So what will this Year of the Cock bring you?

You will meet many cockanadans. More than ever before. In fact, it will be painfully obvious to you that just about everyone around you is a cockanadan. If you don't notice that happening, it's because you, too, have turned into a cockanadan.

You will be talking a lot of cock. More than ever before. As you will be mixing with the cockanadans around you, or as you become one yourself, talking cock will become unavoidable. And if you're a blogger, I'll leave it to you to figure out what will happen to many of your posts this coming year.

You will have many cock-ups in your endeavors. More than ever before. It's one thing to just talk (talk cock), but when cockanadans actually start doing things, what else can you expect?

It's bad enough to meet cockanadans, but you will also meet cocky people. Cocky cockanadans. Enough said.

Happy new cock year. hurhurhur.